because heck I've got some deadiesFirst, pick three (maybe not-so) dearly departed characters to tortu- I mean interview!
1. Killkik
2. Elijah
3. Marley Patch
So, obvious I guess, but what are you names?
Killkik: Uh, Killkik, hello.
Elijah: *snorts* You already know.
Marley: I'm Sergeant Major Marley Patch.
How old were you when you died?
Killkik: Oof, I dunno. I never knew my birthday, though I guess I was in my early twenties? I dunno man.
Elijah: 45.
Marley: I think I was about 49, I think.
Were you ever even alive, or are you part of a species that technically never lives?
Killkik: What? No, heck no. I was definitely alive.
Elijah: Heck yeah I was alive! Zombies have to be before being zombies.
Marley: I was alive? I'm not a vampire.
How did you die?
Killkik: Brain-eating parasite, whoop whoop!
Elijah: Various causes…
(background voice: some of them being…?)
Elijah: Starvation, hypothermia, and some cough.
Marley: I was tortured to death, unfortunately.
Killkik: …Wow, life was a piece of s*** for all of us, wasn't it?
Or did your creator just get tired of you and stop writing/drawing about you?
Killkik: Nah, I don't think so.
Elijah: No. My death is literally the start of the story.
Marley: (Oh jeez man, that's rough.) No, thankfully. I hope.
Or are you undead? (If this doesn't apply, the question can be removed)
Elijah: Oh, no, I'm more alive than ever. *fingers falls off*
What happens to the dead in your canon?
Killkik: Well, on Fedhaian, for one such as I, bodies are usually left where they are or put off to the side so they're not tripped on… man I'm glad I died on Earth.
Elijah: Evidently, they get reincarnated as servants to witches.
Marley: The old Earth way, putting them in coffins and burying them.
Was there a funeral or memorial service of any kind?
Killkik: For me? Yes.
Elijah: I don't think homeless get services, if they don't know who it is…
Marley: Unfortunately, no, my body was just tossed into the incinerator after I finally died.
If so, what was it like?
Killkik: Quiet, not very big… Just a few people were there, just the ones that counted, really… And a few enemies, unfortunately. I liked it, I just wish I could've yanked a couple ears, being invisible n' all.
That sounds... nice. So, some questions about when you were alive- did you look any different than you do now, if any kind of afterlife exists in your world? Otherwise, we know your rotting corpse looks different.
Elijah: *scowls, rolling eyes*
Killkik: I LOST ALL MY SCARS, DADGUMMIT
Marley: Same as Killkik, actually, though I don't think I mind it.
Who do you think was most impacted by your death?
Elijah: Probably just the poor bloke who found my body.
Killkik: Oh, Yulek, it was Rags, the poor creature. Almost committed suicide after, thank the beings Black was looking for him.
Marley: Wrench, the poor man. I miss him.
Did your creator ever completely scrap everything but your name and start over?
Killkik: Nope!
Marley: She might, death-wise, I don't know how well she's actually planned out my death.
Elijah: No.
(author: you might want to hang onto your skull, Eli, 'cause lemme tell you, its gonna happen.)
Elijah: Oh crap.
Did you believe in afterlife when you were alive?
Killkik: I, I dunno. I sort've knew of one, but I don't know if I believed in it.
Marley: I never thought about it, really, I was worried too much about Wrench and my platoon and all, I knew if I started thinking about what happened after, I wouldn't be able to perform my best.
Elijah: I didn't. I figured that once you were dead, you're dead. That's it.
Did you have any pets?
Killkik: Do plants count?
Marley: When we were in training, there was a period of time when everybody had to take care of some animal for a year, excepting that of basic things, such as goldfish. I chose one of the less-desired--a chimp, whom I named Garcy. Then, all throughout my time in the army, I always had some stray dog with me.
Elijah: Heck no, besides the colony of fleas and ticks I had.
Do you think this quiz is pointless?
Killkik: Meh. *shrugs*
Elijah: Yes.
Marley: I thought this was an interview, to be honest.
If you could be alive again for one day, what would you do with your day?
Killkik: Visit Rags. I can't decide who misses who more between us.
Elijah: …I don't know.
Marley: I'd go see Wrench, without question. I wonder all the time how he's doing, and when I'm going to see him again.
Did you have a favorite food when you were alive? How about now?
Killkik: Cake, holy crap, cake cake cake cake CAKE
Elijah: I remember I used to like beer. Now? Well… its brains.
Marley and Killkik: *scootch away from Elijah*
Marley: I did a short tour down in the Greklin countries, and tried some of their honeydrink. I've never tasted anything that even compares to it since.
Color?
Killkik: Red! Red is so cool. There was practically none of it on Fedhaian.
Elijah: Brown.
Marley: Royal blue.
Animal?
Killkik: Those earth animals giraffes are SUPER AWESOME YO
Elijah: Mmm, bats.
Marley: Either dogs or monkeys.
Book?
Marley: "Peace" by Elder Grundwich, I've read it hundreds of times by now.
Elijah: I never read much.
Killkik: *sheepishly* Magic Treehouse…
Marley: *looks at him* aren't those kid books
Killkik: Hey, I didn't know learn how to read 'till I got to Earth, cut me some slack!
Are you human?
Killkik: Ah, you noticed! Nope, I'm an alien!
Elijah: Not anymore.
Marley: …Dang, none of us are, I'm a test-tube superhuman.
If no, have you ever been human?
Killkik: NERP
Elijah: A long time ago.
Marley: Nope.
If not, have you ever wanted to be human?
Killkik: BAHAHAA, my life may suck because of what I am, but heck no!
Marley: Nnnnnnot particularly.
Can I interest you in purchasing an empty box?
Marley: Um, no?
Killkik: Maybe not in purchasing it, necessarily…
Elijah: Why the heck would I want an empty box?
Killkik: *steals box*
Were you in a relationship directly before you died?
Marley: I wasn't.
Elijah: No.
Killkik: …No.
How do you think your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/mate/whatever word your species uses handled your death?
Killkik: (dadgummit, who told them) I don't know, I think she was dead by the time I died.
Before you died, were you considered good or evil?
Killkik: By the time of my death, both, I think. I was bad because I'd stolen awfully important things, and killed people who were also awfully important, but I was good because I wasn't bad to everyone, and I was about as intelligent as a three-year-old by the time I passed away. I think everyone's opinion of me mellowed out as they watched me deteriorate.
Elijah: Bad, I think. I'm not proud of myself.
Marley: It honestly depends on who you ask. If you ask the people who killed me, they'd of course call me a blood-thirsty monster. Ask the people I was fighting for, and they'd tell you I was amply a good guy.
Before you go back to doing whatever it is dead people do, tag one person each.
um
DO IT MON I WANT TO SEE DIS